The Pathos of Being

Listen, don't get me wrong, I love the world. I absolutely love the world, and the people in the world- I think they have a lot of good intentions and positive things to offer. I think their laughter and smiles are sincere. I think the mean the best and all pursue the same thing: Happiness. But I gotta be honest- I am a little tired of all of it. I am not necessarily tired of living. That is not what's happening. In fact, I am getting the need to experience more and more, and believe that reliance on others for experience is actually what might inflicting stagnation in the ability to experience. I am arriving at the self for all the answers concerning that pursuit of happiness. I am tired of the references to the racisms and discriminations and sorrows and blood of history. I am tired of empty opinions concerning what I might be thinking at this point in time; but most importantly, I am tired of the work it seems to take to be able to conduct a conversation with someone. I am sometimes ashamed at the things that come out of my mouth to impress some girl.

I wouldn't argue if someone thought the problem lies within the self. It may well be a glitch caused by some complex from childhood. It may be a seed left by some logical text on why life may not have meaning. I would like to wake up, work like a machine, come home, eat, read, exercise, sleep. But none of it includes other people. I would like to go to a show, and I do, go to shows, and get a beer from the bar tender, tip him, then form an intimate relationship with the music emerging from the instruments. For all I'm concerned, the place is empty and the instruments are playing themselves.

I see a guy; he looks a little like a lion. He has grown a pony tail and talks in assertive tone. It's like he knows what he's saying and knows what it means. All at the same time. He pauses at the right times to let the ideas sink. He looks you in the eye and doesn't blink. I envy that guy a little. He seems like he has no stress around others, no problems relating to people. It is like he is an open door for people to trust and confide. He looks like someone bound to be happy, or like someone who has finished his pursuit.